Leadership is often thought of as a skill set: the ability to make decisions, lead a team, and set a direction. However, at the core of great leadership is something even more powerful – self-trust. The ability to trust yourself, to listen to your inner voice, and to act in alignment with your values and vision is the foundation of effective leadership.

But what happens when life throws you a curveball, and you're caught in the whirlwind of grief and loss? What happens when the very essence of who you are feels shattered, and suddenly, your inner compass doesn't seem to work the same way? It’s easy to lose faith in your own judgment when everything feels uncertain and painful. The confidence and trust you once had in yourself may feel distant, as if you're fumbling through darkness, hoping for a glimpse of light.

In moments of grief, it’s not just the loss of a loved one, but also the loss of your sense of self—your confidence, your sense of control, your ability to make decisions from a place of clarity. Grief changes everything, and that includes the way we view ourselves and our capabilities.

How Grief and Loss Shake Our Self-Trust

When grief enters our lives, it’s not just an emotional storm—it’s a complete shift in our reality. The world we once knew, where we were grounded in our decisions, our sense of purpose, and our values, suddenly feels foreign.

The fog of grief can cloud our thoughts. Decisions that once felt intuitive now feel monumental. The strength we thought we had can feel like a distant memory. During this time, it’s easy to question everything about ourselves, including our ability to lead. "Am I capable of leading in this state?" can be a haunting question.

Self-doubt creeps in, sometimes subtly, and sometimes overwhelmingly. The narratives of inadequacy and loss of direction can replace the quiet confidence you once had. You may even feel disconnected from your own intuition. The voices of grief, sadness, anger, and anxiety drown out the voice of trust that once guided you.

The Importance of Self-Trust in Leadership

Self-trust is the bedrock of resilience and leadership. It’s not about perfection or having all the answers. It’s about being willing to listen to your inner wisdom, to trust that your experiences, strengths, and values can guide you—even when everything else feels uncertain.

When you're in a leadership position, people look to you for direction, stability, and guidance. But the truth is, you can’t effectively lead others if you don’t first lead yourself. Self-trust allows you to make decisions based on your core values rather than reacting to external pressures or fear.

The leaders who inspire others are those who embody authenticity, vulnerability, and confidence in their decisions, even when faced with challenges. When you trust yourself, you not only gain the courage to lead but also model resilience for those around you. People follow leaders who make mistakes, learn from them, and rise again. They follow those who lead with empathy, humility, and trust in their ability to navigate both calm and stormy waters.

Regaining Self-Trust: A Journey Through Grief

After a significant loss, the path to regaining self-trust is not linear. It is a slow and sometimes painful journey. But it is a necessary one. Here are some steps to help you rebuild self-trust and, in turn, develop resilient leadership:
1. Acknowledge and Feel Your Emotions
You cannot build trust with yourself by ignoring your emotions. Grief requires you to pause, to feel, and to honor the depth of your pain. Allow yourself to feel without judgment. This is the beginning of reclaiming your sense of self. When you validate your emotions, you make space for self-compassion—a critical element in regaining self-trust.

2. Set Boundaries
In grief, you may feel pulled in many directions—by others' expectations, by your responsibilities, or by your own internal drive to be "strong." But leadership begins with the ability to say no, to prioritize your well-being, and to protect your energy. Setting boundaries helps you regain control and trust your ability to honor your own needs.

3. Take Small, Intentional Steps
Confidence isn’t built overnight, especially after loss. Begin by taking small, manageable actions that align with your values. This could be as simple as deciding to show up for yourself each day, setting aside time for self-care, or making decisions, even if they’re minor, that feel aligned with who you are. Each step you take in the direction of your true self helps to rebuild trust.

4. Practice Self-Compassion
Grief often comes with harsh inner criticism, especially when we feel like we should be “bouncing back” or “moving on” more quickly. But true leadership and resilience come from allowing yourself to be human. When you make mistakes or falter, practice compassion toward yourself. Remind yourself that it’s okay to be imperfect. Imperfection doesn’t diminish your worth—it’s a testament to your strength and vulnerability.

5. Reconnect with Your Values
Leadership is rooted in values. When grief shakes your confidence, return to the core principles that guide you. What matters to you? What are you passionate about? Reaffirming your values helps you reconnect with your deeper self and the leadership potential within you. Trust that the wisdom you’ve accumulated, the lessons from your experiences, are all part of what makes you a powerful leader.

6. Seek Support and Mentorship
Leadership doesn’t happen in isolation. Grief can isolate us, but connecting with others who understand and support you can help restore your faith in yourself. A mentor, coach, or trusted friend can remind you of your strength when you’ve lost sight of it. They can reflect back your potential when you're unsure of it.

Resilient Leadership: Rising Through Grief

The process of rebuilding self-trust is not quick or easy, but it is transformative. Grief will never leave you unchanged, but with each step of healing, you can return to yourself with more resilience, wisdom, and strength. Leadership, when rooted in self-trust, doesn’t mean always being perfect or in control. It means being honest, authentic, and willing to lead with vulnerability, even in the face of adversity.

Remember: You are not simply bouncing back from grief. You are rising—rising to meet each new day with a heart that has been through the fire and emerged stronger. Resilient leadership doesn’t mean never falling; it means having the courage to rise every time you do. Trust yourself, honor your grief, and lead with the power that only comes from deep, personal transformation.

And always, always remember: it’s not about being flawless. It’s about being true to yourself. And in that, there is an unshakable power that can guide you through the toughest of times.

Are you seeking to find clarity, confidence and courage?

Like to learn more about developing resilience through life challenges?

Niky offer’s her Rise UP program for women online as well as her Lead Her UP retreats for women.

• Find out more about her retreats here

• Listen in to Niky’s Synergy Women podcast here