Sometimes the exhaustion isn't only from what you're carrying. It's from how you feel about carrying it.

I work with a lot of strong, capable women who tell me they're burnt out. They're tired, overloaded, depleted — navigating invisible challenges in their personal lives while still turning up to lead a team, run a business, manage a family, or simply keep life moving.

And eventually, everything gets bundled underneath one word: burnout.

But burnout can become an umbrella for a lot of different experiences — fatigue, people-pleasing, loss of boundaries, emotional overload, a loss of connection with ourselves, the pressure of constantly being the one who holds everything together.

And sometimes, sitting quietly underneath all of that, is something we don't talk about nearly enough: resentment.

The resentment we don't always admit.

It can sound like: "Why do I have to do everything? They get to rest, I don't. Why am I always the one making the decisions? They have no idea what I've had to endure. Why does everyone else get to choose themselves while I keep looking after everyone else?"

Notice the thread running through those thoughts?

Comparison.

We compare our workload to theirs, our struggles to someone else's seemingly easier life. Or the comparison isn't even with another person — it's with the life we thought we should have. The relationship that should be different. The business that should be easier by now. The family who should help more.

Here's a thought worth writing down: There is no resentment without comparison.

The seesaw of resentment.

Imagine comparison as a seesaw. On one side is the reality you're living — the pressure, the responsibilities, the sacrifices, the things you've had to navigate.

On the other side is the imagined alternative: what someone else's life appears to be, what your partner gets to do, what your colleague doesn't have to carry, or simply the fantasy of how you believe life should have unfolded.

The more we idealise one side and focus only on the difficulties of the other, the more unbalanced that seesaw becomes. And resentment grows in the imbalance.

So how do we bring ourselves back towards centre?

Step one: Change "I've got to" into "I get to"

Take something you're currently resenting — maybe "I've got to make all the decisions." Pause, and deliberately look for what also exists on the other side. What does this responsibility allow you to experience, develop or become? "I get to have influence over the direction of my business. I get to be there for someone I deeply love."

This isn't toxic positivity. It isn't pretending something difficult isn't difficult. It's widening the lens — because when we're depleted, our focus can narrow until all we can see is the weight we're carrying.

Step two: Question the fantasy

Now look at the other side of the seesaw — the easier life, the alternative path, the way things should have been. Ask: what might be the downsides, sacrifices or missed opportunities of that version too?

Perhaps the person without your responsibility also doesn't have your influence. Perhaps the path you wish you'd travelled wouldn't have built the strength, wisdom or clarity you now possess.

We rarely compare reality with reality. We compare the full complexity of our own lives with an edited fantasy of another's. No wonder our side of the seesaw feels so heavy.

Resentment is also information

Not all resentment needs to be reframed away. Sometimes it's telling us something: I've said yes too many times. I'm carrying responsibilities that aren't mine. I haven't asked for help. I need a boundary.

This is where self-leadership comes in — because sometimes we need to change our perspective, and sometimes we need to change our behaviour. Delegate. Speak up. Say no. Have the courageous conversation. Stop volunteering ourselves for a role we've quietly come to resent.

Burnout isn't always solved by rest

Of course, depletion requires restoration — sleep, space, recovery, joy. We need to put fuel back in the tank.

But sometimes a weekend away doesn't touch the real source of our exhaustion, because we return to exactly the same internal conversation: "Why am I the one who has to do everything?"

Unchecked resentment can fester like a wound. It consumes emotional energy, keeps us mentally rehearsing the unfairness, and carrying that internal battle day after day can leave us feeling incredibly depleted.

So perhaps when we say "I'm burnt out," there's another question worth asking: what am I resentful about? Who or what am I comparing my life with? Is this resentment asking me to change my perspective — or change a boundary?

Maybe we don't always need to push through burnout. Maybe we need to get curious about what sits underneath it. Restore the body. Quieten the mind. Listen to the heart. And bring that seesaw back towards centre — not because everything in life is easy or fair, but because there's enormous freedom in releasing the fight with how we think life should be, and meeting the life that's actually here. With clearer boundaries, greater ownership, and perhaps a little more grace.

Are you seeking to find clarity, confidence and courage?

Like to learn more about developing resilience through life challenges?

Niky offers her Rise UP program online, along with empowering retreats for women.

• Find out more about her retreats here

• Listen in to Niky’s Synergy Women podcast here

• Like to learn more about courageous conversations? Watch this sneak peak from Niky's Coaching program here