The Conversation You’re Avoiding Is Still Happening
Why courageous conversations begin with managing your own state, not finding the perfect words.
Courageous conversations are rarely comfortable.
We worry about what might happen. What if it turns into a catastrophe? What if they get angry, or disappointed? What if I rock the boat?
So we wait. We soften what we really mean. We tell ourselves it's not worth bringing up. We keep the peace.
Except we don't. Because avoidance doesn't create peace — it creates resentment. And usually, the conversation we're avoiding starts happening inside us instead, over and over again.
I've come to realise that courageous conversations start long before the first word leaves our mouth. They start with our ability to manage our own state — to get comfortable with the discomfort of worry, to get comfortable with someone else having a reaction we may not like, to stop making another person's response the measure of whether we were right to speak.
That's the first piece: an open heart. Curiosity. Arriving internally calm enough to listen rather than defend, prove or please.
Then comes the mind. Clear boundaries. Knowing what matters, and what we are and aren't available for — and being able to communicate that clearly, without hardening ourselves to do it.
This is mind-hearted leadership. An open heart doesn't mean abandoning your boundaries. A clear mind doesn't mean closing your heart. We need both.
Because courage isn't the absence of discomfort. Sometimes courage is simply being willing to stay with yourself while the discomfort is there.
What conversation have you been softening — and what would it look like to say it clearly instead?
Are you seeking to find clarity, confidence and courage?
Like to learn more about developing resilience through life challenges?
Niky offers her Rise UP program online, along with empowering retreats for women.
Find out more about her retreats here
Listen in to Niky’s Synergy Women podcast here
Like to learn more about courageous conversations? Watch this sneak peak from Niky's Coaching program here
