We've been sold a story about confidence — that to become a more confident leader, we need to know more. Another qualification. Another course. Another book. Another person telling us what to do. Surely, once I know enough, then I'll feel confident.

Except leadership doesn't work like that. No matter how much you know, eventually it will put you in a situation you've never faced before. A team member will challenge you. A difficult conversation will land on your desk. The plan won't work. You'll need to make a decision without having all the information.

And in those moments, confidence isn't nearly as important as self-trust.

Confidence says, "I know what I'm doing." Self-trust says, "I may not know what I'm doing yet, but I trust myself to figure it out." That's a very different kind of leadership.

We don't need to know everything

I spent years believing a good leader has the answers. I was the business owner, the problem solver, the fixer — people came to me with questions, and I felt responsible for knowing what to do. But the more we believe we should know, the harder leadership becomes. We second-guess ourselves. We overthink decisions. We ask five other people what they'd do, or keep collecting information hoping certainty will eventually arrive.

But certainty is a luxury leadership rarely gives us. Self-trust allows us to move without it. It's knowing: I can make a decision. I can handle the consequences. I can change direction if I need to. And if I get it wrong, I trust myself to learn, repair and move forward.

So how do we build it?

1. Keep promises to yourself

Self-trust is built through evidence. Every time you say "I need a break" and override yourself, you teach yourself that your needs don't matter. Every time you know something isn't right but say yes anyway, you weaken that relationship with yourself. Every time you set a boundary and abandon it because someone else is uncomfortable, you send yourself a message: I don't really trust my own decisions.

Start small. If you say you'll finish at 5pm, finish at 5pm. If something isn't aligned, say no. If your body is telling you it needs rest, listen. You don't build self-trust through one giant courageous decision — you build it through hundreds of small moments where your actions say, "I've got you."

2. Stop outsourcing your knowing

Advice can be incredibly valuable. Mentors matter. Coaches matter. But there's a difference between seeking perspective and seeking permission. I see so many capable women ask everyone else what they think before asking themselves — what would you do? Am I doing the right thing?

Sometimes we aren't looking for information. We're looking for someone else to remove the discomfort of choosing. Before you ask everyone else, pause and ask yourself: what do I already know? What matters most to me here? If I trusted myself, what would I choose? You can still seek advice — just let other people's wisdom inform your decision rather than become it.

3. Build trust in your ability to recover

This might be the biggest one. Self-trust doesn't come from believing you'll always make the right decision. You won't. Neither will I. Leadership is messy, life is messy — self-trust comes from knowing that even if things don't go to plan, you can meet yourself there. You can reassess. Apologise. Learn. Change course. Begin again.

When you've lived through difficult seasons, it's easy to think I never want to go through anything like that again. But there's another question worth asking: what did that experience teach me about my capacity to navigate hard things? Sometimes the greatest evidence for self-trust is already sitting in your own history. You've figured things out before. Adapted before. Survived days you didn't think you could survive. And you're still here.

Maybe confidence isn't the goal.

Confidence fluctuates. One day you feel unstoppable; the next you're staring at an email wondering if you've lost your ability to lead entirely. Self-trust runs deeper. It doesn't require you to feel fearless, or certain, or even particularly confident. It simply says: whatever happens next, I trust myself to meet it.

And perhaps that's the kind of leadership we need more of — not leaders desperately trying to prove they know everything, but leaders with enough clarity to say "I don't know yet," enough courage to make the next decision anyway, and enough trust in themselves to figure out the rest along the way.

You don't need to know more to become the leader you're capable of becoming. Maybe you just need to start trusting the woman who already knows more than she gives herself credit for.

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